My Love Letter: to HER and YOU.
“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”
Our Shared Background
Everyone is just trying to figure out this thing called life, hoping to achieve a chance at happiness and success.
But much like me, I’ve found that it’s the woman usually in her early to middle adult years that tends to need the most TLC. These are the most eventful and transitional years of our lives, a period we often neglect ourselves - when the woman is simultaneously juggling a ton of pressing matters from every direction: her home, motherhood, aging parents, career, relationships, all while trying to have some semblance of a social life.
Every day I see and feel the stress women face in our society today - how the internal and external expectations, mounting responsibilities, and daily pressures disproportionately affect us, often at the expense of our own health and happiness.
Given my cultural background as a Latina and career in nursing and health coaching for almost two decades, I’ve truly recognized how damaging it is to sacrifice our wellbeing, not just physically through ailments and suffering, but mentally, emotionally, spiritually, transcending into all areas of our lives - work, finances, home life, family, friendships, romantic partnerships, etc.
They say we create what we once needed (and still need since I’m being honest). I am dedicating this to every woman yearning for a way back to herself, finding herself stuck in that dark place, having lost sight of what brings her joy or fulfillment - she who often feels confused, overwhelmed, just plain ol’ exhausted trying to filter through all the background noise, head chatter, and the multitude of duties awaiting her day to day. This is for the woman struggling to fill an inner void, who feels like something is missing in her life without knowing what it is, just like I did once upon a time… and don’t get me wrong, I still struggle sometimes and need to remind myself of where I came from!
Trust me when I say I know and understand how hard it is to hear ourselves above all the external influences, to reach our highest self when we feel like our world is falling apart sometimes. And yet here I am as a recovering perfectionist pressing play on her dreams despite all the fears, doubts, and negative self-talk that still creep in, so that other women also feel free to push that button and activate that light we all have inside of us.
Women are nurturing - we represent love, beauty, strength, power, perseverance, and a wealth of hidden talents. We are constantly pouring out, caring for others - our partners, kids, parents, other family members, friends, neighbors, employers, clients - often without asking for help or expecting anything in return. We wear a million different hats and titles - endless caretaker, mother, daughter, wife, housekeeper, planner, organizer, manager, executor, the list goes on.
Women don’t often get a moment to think for themselves and when we do, we’re either worrying about all the stuff that still has to get done in our limited time, or badgering ourselves with guilt over how much more productive we could be. This is the invisible labor that haunts us every day - the precious time, energy, and attention we spend not just doing but thinking about what we need to do, the mental load - that which is often unseen, overlooked, or undermined.
Despite the changing laws, we still live in a patriarchal oppressive society, where we’re trying to grow our own money and build names for ourselves in the job market, while having lower earnings and still carrying on our traditional homemaker roles. This is by no means taking away from the good men who try to put in their equal share, but keeping it real, women still carry the larger load overall especially as it relates to the invisible labor.
I don’t want to be a debbie downer because I truly am one of the most optimistic women you’ll come to know. Hence why I feel such a need to be here and provide you hope and the tools to overcome and shine. It’s just important to provide a background, to show the similar struggle we all face, even when we don’t realize it.
We are filling our personal and family obligations, expectations passed on through generations of cultural traditions and set ideals, while confronting ambiguous unsolicited advice from everywhere. Add in the media (social platforms and news casts alike), all the skewed beauty and fitness portrayals, the influential world of female comparisons and competition, endless push notifications, and we have the perfect recipe for disaster and the ultimate fatigue that women are experiencing in today’s day in age.
My Story leading me here today
I felt the brunt of this societal pressure and expectations early on in my 20’s - I was emotionally debilitated, overtaken by anxiety, brewing unhappiness, which was also manifesting physically in major gut issues. I felt so confused and dissatisfied with my life, even after conquering all I had set my mind to at a very young age. And let me tell you, I looked so damn good on paper! But I was following ideals that didn’t suit ME, so consumed by the opinions of others who claim to know it all, by what society was dictating as the “10 steps of life,” all the “shoulds” we supposedly need to be happy and successful.
I had done it all, except the marriage and kids - all the degrees, advanced job titles, top pay, investment houses, flashy cars, and even came from a tight-knit family - all which culminated in a period of total numbness. Somewhere along the way of conquering all these resume achievements, I stopped doing the things that brought me true joy and excitement.
I just kept hustling and grinding. I had lost all direction, not knowing who I was or what I truly wanted out of life, wondering if I ever even knew that at all. Like many, I was on autopilot, just kept doing, going through the motions, staying “busy,” pushing forward, adding more accolades to my plate, all the while feeling guilty for not doing more or being more appreciative of what I had accomplished.
Does this all sound familiar to you?
Trust me when I say there is so much beauty in life yet to live and explore, even in midst of the daily struggles we all face. There’s a way out of this RAT RACE, where you step back into your true power, placing your needs first, taking intentional action, feeling wholeheartedly badass inside and out! Mine came out of pure desperation and dissatisfaction, refusing to be like everyone else and keep living the way I was.
My own health and wellness journey started with going to the gym out of mere curiosity and boredom, wanting to get out of the house and try something new. I soon realized how pushing my body to its limits made me feel alive, making me want more of it. That one small thing I chose to do out of the blue one day evolved into so much more - other forms of body movement, greater self-love, acceptance of my body and how I spoke to myself, more freedom to follow my taste buds and foodie nature, instrumental risk-taking, fun adventures, and soooo much more! I want that for you, all of you.
These exercise habits and routines became my saving grace, the building blocks which set my priorities in motion, my security blanket when times get tough because lets’s face it, they still do. My then-accidental and now-chosen lifestyle has provided me the means to get through a lot of my difficult past and present obstacles, helping me to heal my inner child along the way.
Focusing on my body, health, and fitness during some of the hardest, most pivotal moments of my life is what gave me the semblance of “balance” I didn’t know my spirit needed in my complex world of uncertainty. It’s the one thing I could cling to, what gave me a sense of control and uplifted me naturally, as you’ll eventually learn for yourself in your own way.
Working out was something I did for myself, that which no one could take from me, the one thing I could rely on and look forward to. It was the part of my day where I could step away from the messy chaos, put on my headphones, and block out everything else. To this day it still nourishes my soul like nothing else could and serves as my mental sanctuary. While this is what contributed to my unleashing, for you it may and most likely will be different.
This isn’t a quick-fix scheme to get you to workout like me, do everything I do, and have your problems solved, like so many like to claim to do on social media. Yes, physical activity and nutrition are a large part of the wellness equation, as are rest, play, and digging deep, among many other strategies I have researched and will dive into. I too am on this journey with you because our work in life and self is never finished - our wellness journey and learning never ends.
What works for one person doesn’t necessarily mean it will work for another, as a lot of it will depend on the season of life we’re in, what we want and need, where we truly want to go, and what we’re ready for at that moment - health and wellness will embody different things for different people and that’s okay. There is no right answer as to what works for you vs anyone else.
Why We are HERe
Carving out time for yourself may be unfamiliar to you, hence why I am here, to guide and help you move through it and enjoy the process, having gone through it myself.
There’s only so much you can control in this life, but one thing you can always embrace and be proud of is actively and consciously engaging in your self-care, the betterment of your health, self-love. The time and energy you give to yourself will never go to waste. Your future self will thank you, your past self will thank you, and those who rely on you will thank you.
We can’t be everything to others and leave nothing for ourselves because pouring from an empty cup will only lead to self-destruction, hurting ourselves and everyone we love in the long-run.
The path to wellness and enlightenment takes accepting, respecting, and honoring our bodies in all their beautiful shapes, sizes, and facets as they are NOW, as we work on bringing to light more of the women we envision ourselves to be. It means nourishing HER SOUL, YOUR inner child, regardless of what anyone else has to say, even that critic inside our heads that will slowly start to diminish as we peel away the layers we’ve been carrying.
I am not here to add another chore to your ever-expanding To-Do List. Taking care of yourself shouldn’t feel grueling, despite the mixed messages you receive all around you, because then that isn’t TRUE WELLNESS.
This journey into SOUL CARE you embark on is a choice - choosing to mindfully and consistently be dedicated to what calls to you, tuning in to what feels right at your core, putting yourself first, stopping to take notice of your environment, doing what you want and need, stepping out of your comfort zone, asking yourself important questions along the way. You will be lightening your load, adding to your joy, while being encouraged and supported through knowledge and community care, so that you can use your time and energy to focus on the things that matter to YOU.
Your wellness will shine through in the active pursuit of your own joys and interests, in exploring ideas and establishing routines that meet you where you’re at, what means something to you, while giving yourselves grace through it all. Get the tools I share under your belt, try new things, see what works best for you, and ride them out in your own way chasing your own unique high. Whatever it is you choose to do for yourself, my hope is that you feed inward and pour into your own cup, moving you closer to what feels right, so that you can freely let go of what doesn’t serve you.
You will be amazed to see the many things you uncover about yourself as you explore and experiment, both great and hard - it’s about being open and just putting to test what we’re capable of.
Life is tough already, but where you currently stand is where you’re taking your biggest risk of all, and that’s in staying the same.
Will you look back in your 80’s or 90’s reflecting on a life full of joy, love, and laughter and the vision you brought into fruition, or a life full of regrets and could’ves, should’ves, would’ves without having had any real quality of life?
There’s no better time than NOW to create the life of your dreams and make all your efforts count for something.
Reminder to Self: Despite all the hardships, the fact that you’re still standing is a testament to the resilience you’ve always had inside of you, the strength you demonstrate in how you give of yourself to others and everything you’ve accomplished already without taking notice. So please do us all the favor and listen to that inner child, the little girl you once were full of hopes and dreams, laughter and simplicity - the one who just got blindsided and internalized all the outside influences telling her otherwise.
Do it for HER, believe in HER, believe YOU are worthy, deserving, and trust yourself. Speak to yourself how you would speak to your closest loved ones and that little naive and hopeful girl who’s still there inside us all.
Community Care at Fit-Her YOU… my final words
There is so much strength in numbers, and when women rally together to show up for themselves bravely and support one another, we are an unstoppable force! Building meaningful connections with others through community care is one of the greatest ways we engage in self-care and self-love.
You are not alone in the struggle we all face, and if you can take the steps to reach deeper into yourself and lean on others in unity and solidarity, we can move mountains. What we do and who we become has a ripple effect on our children, families, and generations to come.
It all starts with you, and in order to show up for everyone else, you have to first show up for YOU. The more of this we do every day with intentionality, carving out little snippets of time, energy, and free space to do as we wish, the more momentum we unleash until it becomes second nature and part of our routine and lifestyle just like brushing our teeth.
It’s time we embrace real change and allow ourselves to live, love, laugh, learn, dream, and move BIG! Let’s rise up together, spark our joys, push against the grain and norm, so that we can keep showing up every day as the best version of HER, authentically and wholeheartedly.
It’s time to bring more fun in our days without taking life too seriously, put ourselves first finally, and be the women we were put on this wild earth to be, in all of our amazing layers and multifaceted dimensions, individually and collectively. You owe it to that little girl inside of you all begging for love and attention from the one person who can give it to her the most - YOU!
My beautiful, powerful, and amazing ladies, if you haven’t already realized through my words to you: You are loved, You are worthy, You are precious. You are truly one of a kind. May your time with me allow you the freedom to satisfy your greatest potential and make life work for you. May you stay true to yourself, grab life by the horns, shed the non-serving identities, conquer your fears, and shine bright!
Let’s be relentless in our pursuit of SOUL CARE - FITTING in all that calls to YOU holistically, in health, happiness, and life fulfillment - achieving that FITTER HER from deep within because YOU matter! It’s time to be the HERo to our own story!
Signing off with so much Love and Light,
XO Barbi
P.S. - Would you do me a favor please… If you find this page/letter/post helpful or valuable in any way or feel someone you know is in need of reading and hearing these words, would you share it with them? Traffic to my page is what allows me to keep this website up and running with free, valuable content.
P.S.S. - Can you believe this very letter took me almost 6 months to write?! Remember when I said I was a recovering perfectionist? Some old ways are hard to change! I’m living proof of that!
